A bad day...

I had my annual OB appointment today. That's normally enough to put any woman in a bad mood for the day. But this was the first time it was actually emotionally difficult for me.

I walked in, gave the receptionist my name and she gave me a form to fill out for updated information. I sat in one of two unoccupied chairs and filled out my name, address, phone number, marital status, etc, etc. Took the form back up to the desk, sat back down then scanned the room. That was when it hit me... nearly everyone in the room was visibly pregnant. They all had cute round bumps and wore stylish maternity shirts. They all looked perfectly happy, yet slightly uncomfortable from sitting for so long. I wondered how many of them understood how much they had been blessed with such a miracle growing inside of them.

There was a woman with her three children all excited to see the ultra sound to find out if they are having a baby brother or baby sister. During the wait she was patiently teaching the youngest how to play tic-tac-toe and reminding him to put an "X" because she was "O". Then her other son saying, "Mommy can I have a turn to play with you?" My heart melted, would I ever get the chance to teach my kids to play games, or hear my child call me Mommy?

A man came out of the back flushed red and talking a thousand words a minute. One of his co-workers (another pregnant woman) was waiting her turn and he rushed up to her to let her know his wife was being induced the next morning. Everything was ready for the baby, but suddenly he wasn't. Is this how Craig would look if he knew our child was going to be born the next day?

It took all my might not to run from the room crying. Finally 45 minutes later, my name was called. The nurse weighed me, took my blood pressure, and asked when my last period was. Then came the big questions:

How many pregnancies have you had... None... What prescription medications are you on... Metformin and Actos... Are you taking any over the counter medications or supplements... Generic Prenatal Vitamins and Follic Acid... Oh, are you trying to get pregnant... Yes (as I once again fight back tears)... How long have you been trying... 4 years (Why did she have to ask that?)... Oh isn't it crazy how some women can get pregnant at the drop of a hat... Yes (did she really ask ME that?)

She brought me to the exam room and gives me a gown to change into. Finally I was alone to wipe my eyes. At least the only thing I had to recount to the doctor was the hyper stimulation I had from our first IVF attempt.

I'll actually be able to sleep tonight!

Craig has been in Atlanta since Wednesday to meet a new vendor for his "real job." He said the weather was perfect and that it was a beautiful area. I'm very glad he is home because besides missing him, it means I'll actually be able to sleep tonight.

I know my Mom says she doesn't sleep well when my Dad is away, but I never really understood it until I got married and Craig started to travel. I get so used to the security of having him with me that it completely throws me off when he's not there. Shadow didn't seem to mind too much. He barked more at sounds he heard outside and on the TV before we went to bed, but once he realized Craig wasn't going to claim his side of the bed, Shadow was happy to fill the space. He was even snoring some last night.

Apparently we have the best airport to fly out of if you want to sneak hair gel, deodorant or shaving cream onto an airplane. He got to Atlanta just fine with them, but they were confiscated by security in the Atlanta airport on his way home. I'll have to remember to put all of that in our checked bags next time we fly.

Wedding Bells and Engine Noises

(Kind of a strange title for a blog, I know, but it covers it all!)

Wedding Bells:

CONGRATULATIONS to my cousin Dani who is getting married on Saturday in Ohio. All the planning all the stress and all the nerves, it will be over in the blink of an eye (or should I say in the blink of a camera flash???) I hope your wedding is everything you dreamed of and that you can look back upon the day with fond memories of the very special day that belongs only to the two of you. Even though we won't be able to be there with you, our hearts will be. Here's wishing you many, many years of happiness. Congratulations, again!

Also, I hope that everyone traveling to Ohio has a safe journey and that you all have a wonderful time. I'll be thinking about each and every one of you.

Engine Noises:

We were down to one vehicle over the weekend and today. Our SUV started making "ticking" noises. We're pretty sure it's a lifter. Our mechanic friend put some "snake oil" in and the ticking is starting to go away, but he warned us that he thinks the engine's life is limited. So we either need to put in a new engine or get a new but used car. Most of the time we are in agreement that we should just put in a new engine because we really don't want payments on a new car. Luckily as Craig likes to joke, we are a family with connections. So Uncle Dan is looking into it for us. (Thanks!!)

Just as I figured, we are going to have an entire week of very hot temperatures. Over 105 all week. We started getting some monsoon like clouds rolling in yesterday, so the humidity is going to start creeping up as well. Our average monsoon start is 4th of July here in the southern part of the state, so I'm expecting those "pre-monsoon" storms to start pretty soon.

I was asked to start helping out in the pre-school every other week at our church starting the first weekend in July. I'm excited about the opportunity to get involved with the kiddos. I'll be sure to update you as I learn more about my new position.

Just another day in Paradise.

Okay, well maybe not Paradise. It is just another day though.

We've had a pretty busy week this week. Two of our three employees have been on vacation. Luckily Craig has Friday off, so I only ended up working one day alone, that was today. Next week is going to be pretty busy as well. We're going to have a few orders come in, and Craig is going to be out of town on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday for a business trip.

We've had a pretty mild June thus far here in town. We've yet to see a solid week of triple digits. Which normally starts at the end of may. We even got to see some upper 80's last week. I'm sure now that I've said it, we won't be under 105 for the next two weeks.

The next Furniture Market in Las Vegas is at the end of July. We normally only go in January, but we've had several vendors ask us to come in July, too, this year as they are introducing some new lines. They are also opening the third building of the World Market Center this July, so it's going to be a non-stop party. We are considering driving out for a couple of days, but we probably won't decide until right before Market.

Other then that we are just working our way through the summer. I'm going to try and add a countdown ticker to help keep track of when we are going to Hawaii. It'll be fun to see the days tick away.

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

Do you have kids?

It's the first thing people ask when they meet you. Then those who know you always ask, When are you going to have kids? Why shouldn't they? It is a natural progression for adults. Why is it then that nobody talks about when this doesn't happen? Well, that isn't going to be me any longer.

I've become very close with a group of women who have all suffered from infertility in one way or another. One of the many things I've learned is that it doesn't matter who you are, infertility hurts.

We've all learned how to grieve over the hope that is lost each cycle. We even learn to get through the unbearable pain of loosing a child, weather it be early in pregnancy or after birth. Women who suffer from infertility and the loss of a child are amazingly strong. It's the only way to get through the day.

We've all received the typical advice: Go on vacation and get drunk. Different positions to try. That we should stop trying, then it will happen. That trying is the fun part. Not to worry it will happen some day.

This all seems like innocent advice, but to the couple who has suffered from infertility it's like a knife through the heart. Not only have we more than likely tried all of this. (Yes, even not trying.) But the person telling us this has no clue what what all we have been through. If the answer was as simple as not worrying, getting drunk or trying a new position, infertility wouldn't exist.

Because We're Sisters

Growing up my sister and I were best friends and worst enemies. I'm sure our parents will tell you that this often occurred in the same day. No matter how even things were divided between us we were always trying to out do the other. When one of us got into trouble we always tried to put the blame on the other.

We argued over the dumbest things, which cartoon we would watch (Scooby Do or He-Man), what book we wanted mom or dad to read before bedtime, what record, tape or CD we would listen to, who got to sit in the front seat of the car, if we were allowed to use the towels in the bathroom or not, who's turn it was to do the dishes, who got which parking space in the drive way, who got to answer the phone when it rang, who's razor was who's, who's clothes were who's, and so on. What can I say, we were sisters.

Those around us the most would tell you that I was the quieter one and she was the out spoken one. In many ways this still rings true. So you can imagine my surprise when she told me what she had done.

I got a phone call one morning while getting ready for work. She tells me that she has written a letter and is sending it out, she wasn't going to tell me, but she couldn't get everything set up the way she wanted without me knowing. Before telling me what it was all about she reads me a letter that she had heartfeltly written to all our family members and friends about our struggles to have children, asking one and all to help us gather the money needed to try IVF again.

I can tell you that it was a good thing I hadn't put on any eye make-up yet because it would've been washed off. I must've cried for five minutes straight. After which I had a hard time finding my voice, I could not believe she would do something like this. Furthermore, I could not believe that she had already shared her idea with several people all of which were more that willing to help.

To this day I am still amazed by the generosity everyone has shown. I never would've imagined something like this would've happened. It has been less than a month since the account was opened and it is already growing at a steady rate.

With this post I want to say thank you to each and everyone of you. For we have always known we were loved, however I cannot even put into words how humbled we are that you care so much about us. We are truly blessed to have family and friends who love us so much that they are willing to help us fulfil our dreams of one day holding our precious little miracle in our arms.

Last but not least, thank you to my sister. Without you, our next round would not even be thought about for a long time to come.

Summer is here.

The High School and College graduation celebrations have ended, all the local children are out of school, the Memorial Day sales are over and our temperatures have hit the triple digit mark. That puts us in the slower summer period. We have a lot to look forward to this fall, so I'm anxious for the summer to be over.

Ty Pennington has designed a new line of furniture that Howard Miller will be producing call Home Storage Solutions. Since we are the largest Howard Miller Wine & Spirits dealer in Arizona, we have been given first right of refusal on the new line for Tucson. They are limiting the line to their current dealers for now and only two dealers will be chosen per city for their partnership program. After taking a look at it, we are extremely excited for it to hit the market this fall. We are going to take advantage of the slow summer to move our bar section to a less discrete section of the store which is also larger so that we can make room for the Home Storage line. We would like to keep it next to the Wine & Spirits so we can take advantage of the name recognition, with the bars too.

We are also very excited that we get to take a vacation this year! We will be going back to Hawaii in September for a week. This will be a little less than 4 months since I started the new medication to increase egg quality. So, we are hoping to be able to schedule our next IVF round once we get back. We know I will have to be on birth control pills for at least a month to get my cycle where it needs to be to coincide with the clinic's schedule, so it will probably November before I start the injections.

I also want to congratulate my cousin Michelle on her graduation. We're very proud of you and know you'll love NAU!

Follow up dr appt.

Not much has been going on around here. The store has been slow, which was good for me. I needed to have some time to clear my head. It has picked up a little bit this week and we're gearing up for a busy weekend. Our neighboring store is having a big Memorial Day Sale, like always. We'll take advantage of their advertising and highlight our clearance items and put some smaller items out on the sidewalk to draw some attention our way.

I had an appointment with the fertility doctor yesterday. He thinks the PCOS I have is causing some egg quality issues considering they were able to get 20 eggs but very few quality ones. He had me start another diabetic medication that helps increase egg quality in women with PCOS. It can cause liver issues though, so they only give it to women who have more difficult cases. I guess we now fall into that category. They'll check my liver functions every 3 months to make sure it isn't causing me any problems, though. It takes 3 to 4 months for it to actually improve the egg quality so, he wants me on it until we are ready to try another IVF.

As I mentioned before I was having quite a bit of cramping after the transfer. He said this was very good news and shows that at least one of the embryos did hatch and implant. He said my lining was really good and that the transfer couldn't have gone any smoother. He is confident that getting better quality eggs is the answer for us.

I told him I was a little concerned of hyper-stimulating again. He said that in my case it was a big surprise because even though my estrogen numbers were a little higher than they liked to see, they weren't so high as to cause any concern of hyper-stimulation. Also, most women don't get sick like I did until after they get pregnant. I will be on the same medications (so the crazy sayings will start all over again, ha. ha.) but a lower dosage, and I will probably take them for a longer period of time. All of this is supposed to support better egg quality as well. All in all, I would say it was a good appointment.

I hope everyone has a fun and safe Memorial Day Weekend.

Test Results.

Well, our little snow peas didn't make it.

I had a blood test on Friday that showed hCG (the pregnancy hormone that comes after implantation) at level of 25. So at least one of our little embryos implanted.

Today I had a second blood test to make sure the hCG levels were still going up. We needed a level of 75 to confirm they were still growing and developing.

Sadly, the level went down to 15. Which means it stopped growing. So now I stop all the medications and wait for it to pass.

Waiting… waiting… and waiting some more.

Our final blood test is on Monday. This will tell us if we’ve been successful this month or not. Only 1 day left.

I was actually very calm and relaxed all week. Then Friday came around, and now I’m nervous. This has been such a long road. I’m not sure I can imagine it ending. Yet, at the same time, I can’t imagine it not ending. One thing is for sure, I am ready to be moving on to the next phase in our lives.

I’ve had quite a bit of cramping this week. Rachelle has been my research queen this week. She looked it up and found quite a few people saying that cramping is good, but headaches are bad. Good news, I haven’t had any headaches.

I hope all the Mom’s have a wonderful Mother’s Day!!

Our First Pictures

Everything is going great! We couldn't be more excited or more optimistic! Both our little snow peas thawed out perfectly. Here is a picture of them.

It turns out that they weren't thawed until the morning of our transfer because our appointment was so late in the morning. This picture was taken about 2 hours before the transfer.

The bigger one is the one that was perfect before freezing. By this time, it had done exactly what they expected it to and was in the process of re-aligning it's self. Meaning that all the cells in the middle were moving around to the outside.

But it looks like we have some sibling rivalry going on already. The smaller one did everything it was supposed to do, and has already re-aligned it's cells and was already growing trying to catch up with the bigger one. The embryologist was very happy about this. Because the small one was doing so good, they upped our odds from 40% to 50%!

We also have a picture of the actual transfer:

The big black spot is my bladder (I had to drink a lot of water to get it to just the right size).

In the green squares you can see the tube they used to transfer the embryos.

You can't see the embryos because they are microscopic, so the lab puts an air bubble behind them which you can see. That is what I put the red circle around. The embryos are very sticky so they like to make sure the air bubble moves out very slow, which it did. This tells them that the embryos are very close to where the air bubble shows up. This was a perfect transfer!

Now we wait for a blood test to confirm implantation.

It's Time

I can't believe it is here. Tomorrow morning I will be 2 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

I'm excited, I'm nervous and I'm trying to be very optimistic. Even if this doesn't work, at least I will have two weeks with our little snow peas.

I am taking the rest of the week off to lounge around the house. Next week I'll take it easy. I've been transitioning myself into not lifting anything heavy. Sometimes that's difficult around here, but I will have to stop all heavy lifting now. One of our employees said he's not even going to let me lift the stapler! It's pretty funny, but he's right. We've come this far, we don't want to take any chances.

I need to get a new modem for the home computer, so unless I get that done before our appointment tomorrow, I won't be able to get back on the Internet until I come back to work. We'll update you guys as soon as we can.

We love all the comments you've been leaving and feel very blessed to have such wonderful family and friends. Thank you for your love and prayers! We love you guys!

Tuesday is Thaw Day.

Tomorrow is a big day for our little snow peas.

They'll be thawed naturally until they come to room temperature, then dipped in four solutions to remove any of the solution used during freezing. Then they will slowly be warmed up to body temperature.

We are continuing to pray that they both survive this process and will be there waiting for us on Wednesday morning.

Tagged

I was tagged to do this little survey by my friend Amanda!

What was I doing 10 years ago...
10 years ago was 1998. I was finishing up a semester at Paradise Valley Community College (PVCC) and re-applying to NAU. I was working at the snack shop at a golf course on the weekends, which turned into a position driving the beverage/beer cart during the week during the summer. I also worked Monday nights in the office at an auction. That fall, when I went back to NAU, is when I met and started dating Craig.

5 things on my to-do list today...
1. Meeting with sales rep for Stein World
2. Flexsteel Sales Training/Meeting
3. Look for a specific shirt at Kohl's
4. Go to the post office
5. Brush the dog.

5 snacks I enjoy...
1. My number one snack is Rocky Road Ice Cream with REAL Marshmallows (not the cream)
2. Anything chocolate
3. Fresh fruit
4. French Fries, I'm hopeless when it comes to potatoes (except when they have fake cheese on them)
5. Peanut Butter M&M's. Very addicting.

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire...
1. Purchase a home in every place I loved and travel between the houses.
2. Spend more time with our family.
3. Have a world renowned training facility for pets.
4. Create a charity or two that helped all the causes important to us.
5. Invest, so that the money didn't dry up.

5 bad habits...
1. Eating too much fast food. I really need to start bringing snacks and lunch with me to work.
2. Always running 5-10 minutes late, it's really annoying to always be rushing in the mornings.
3. Letting my mind wonder when people are telling me long stories.
4. Never taking out the garbage. I "let" Craig take it out all the time.
5. Cracking my knuckles. I started when I was in grade school. I don't do it as often anymore because it drives Craig crazy, but every now and then I do it without thinking.

5 places I've lived...
1. Phoenix, Arizona
2. Flagstaff, Arizona
3. Tucson, Arizona
4. Marana, Arizona (still Tucson, really, but technically a different town LOL!)
5. TBD

5 jobs I've had...
1. Beer Cart Driver at a Golf Course
2. Jewelry Store Salesperson
3. Advertising Media Buyer
4. Dog Trainer
5. Legal Assistant and Paralegal

Videos

Here are a couple of short videos for everyone.

This one is of our store. Sorry, it's a little blurry. I think I was moving too fast for the auto focus.

Then this one is of Shadow showing off a couple of his tricks. He usually gives us a long drawn out performance when we ask him to play dead. He must've realized that he had to be good for the camera because he didn't this time.

Good report.

I had another ultrasound this morning, and everything looks good.

They like too see the lining over 8mm, and mine was at 11mm. So we are set for the transfer next Wednesday.

Videos coming soon...

That is IF I can figure out how to convert the files from the DVD recorder to playable files. The disc that came with the camcorder doesn't seem to be working quite right. It doesn't have conversion software, and my CD Rom stopped working after I tried to install the software that it did come with. Grrr.

Anyhow, I have some video of Shadow and a quick tour of our store to share with you as soon as I get it all figured out.

I have another ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday to check the thickness of my lining. If I've responded correctly to the medication then it should be nice and thick and ready for the transfer next week. I'm starting to get nervous. I guess it's just seems more real now that we are so close.

Craziness!

I thought my craziness was due to the hormones I was taking to make me produce more eggs. Now I'm thinking it must have been my body's response to the increase in estrogen because I'm still saying the craziest things. Here are just a few:

Craig fell asleep on the stove last night. (should have said sofa)
Dinner has to go in the hour for an oven.
I can't watch bed in TV without my glasses.
Can you give this form to Brown? (should have said Robert)

If this is truly a response to hormone changes and I do get pregnant, it should be an interesting and entertaining 9 months.

It's a go!!

I had my ultrasound this morning. My ovaries are still a little large, but not enough to cause any problems.

So I started estrogen supplements this morning. I'm taking them in the mornings and at night. Then Craig will start giving me the progesterone shots on the 25th.

For right now we are praying for my lining to become thick and healthy, and for both of our snow peas to survive the thawing process. We'll think about the rest later. Just one step at a time right now.

Jury Duty

I had jury duty on Tuesday. Lucky me, I ended up getting picked for a DUI Trial. It was inconvenient, but I really didn't mind too much. It was fun for me to see the other side of the court room. I do have to say that the prosecutor was lucky the evidence was on his side. He was completely disorganized, almost like he was unprepared. It was pretty frustrating and confusing to follow along with him. But it's over now and I feel good that I did my civic duty.

Next week is going to be busy. We have Craig's birthday on Wednesday (which I still need to go shopping for), and I have a baseline ultrasound on Friday. That's when we'll find out if we get to go with the April 30th FET date or not.

We've decided to transfer both of our little snow peas. We have about a 40% of success by transferring both, which doubles our chances over everything else we've tried.